We Drink Because What We Want Feels Like Too Much
And we have to make it go away
As women, many of us drink because we feel like what we want is more than we deserve. This could not be further from the truth. But it’s what we’ve been conditioned to believe.
Traditionally, women are the caretakers, the mothers, the fire putter outers, the nurses, the bedtime readers, the safekeepers. We are the ones expected to give up all our dreams in the name of raising our children. To sacrifice our desires in the name of our marriages. “It is a noble cause,” we are taught. And taught and taught and told. Until our spirits have been tamped so nobly into dry ground, we can barely breathe from the corset of convention.
Drinking serves a purpose: it muzzles our words. It keeps us from saying out loud that we are unhappy in our marriages. We want freedom, independence, and a life that makes us shoot out of bed in the morning and dance. Drinking shoves our wants and needs back down the pipeline of etiquette. We long to write a book, travel the world, start a business, and have time to ourselves. To collect our particles, dreams, and hopes in the bathtub. To do things that don’t make sense to our men and our families.
So I am here this Sunday morning to deliver some terrible news: YOU DESERVE IT ALL.
You deserve freedom. You deserve to chase your dreams. You deserve to speak up and ask for what you need. I know this sounds ridiculous. You are making pancakes and getting ready for church. You are wondering why I am being so unreasonable. But if you’re like me, and this strikes a chord in the instrument of your soul, then rest assured you are in the right place.
What I’m NOT saying is that you have to flee the coop and abandon your children. You can live this and still be a fantastic mom. In fact, you will become an inspiring mom. Your kids will see you rising to meet what inspires you and want the same for themselves. Sobriety makes for elevated mothering. But this is for another post.
When you start seeking what is seeking you (your deepest desires) and stop filling your time and zapping your energy with motivational dampeners (alcohol), corners, spaces, and swaths of time open up for you to pour into. I know this because I have lived it. I know this because I believe it with every slick horse hair of my own soul.
Now for the good news: YOU DON’T HAVE TO FIGURE ANY OF THIS OUT TODAY. You don’t have to quit drinking today. You don’t have to leave your marriage, split your kids 50/50, run out and have an affair, or place a ticking time bomb in the oven to serve for Sunday roast. You just have to stay open now that you know what you know. Just stay open. Keep your heart and your throat open to possibility. And watch as the light floods in.
Drinking is not a coping skill. It is an avoidance technique sold to us by those in positions of power who seek to benefit from our silence. Our desires never leave us. They just get shoved into already-tight suitcases that explode at inopportune times, in sideways manners we are not proud of. You deserve to live the life of your dreams. What you seek is seeking you. Know this and breathe it in.
Mantra for the week as you digest this truth cake:
I TRUST
I TRUST
I TRUST
I TRUST
I TRUST
I TRUST
I love you. Life loves you. You can do this. You are NOT ALONE IN THIS.
Happy Sunday. Sorry, and you’re welcome.
Rosie :)