The Talk That Changed Everything
Slipping On My Big Girl Pants [Neon]
Seven years ago, I woke up on a bathroom floor at 2 AM. The terror of memory hit me like a sledgehammer. The cold tile. The locked door. The deafening silence of a party I had planned—but never attended.
This was the most humiliating moment of my life. And it was also the moment that set me free.
It’s the moment I unsubscribed—from the Good Girl narrative once and for all.
These were the opening lines of my debut speech for the Shawnee Chamber of Commerce this past week.
I’d spent three weeks fine-tuning “The Unapologetic Woman: A Blueprint For Breaking Free From Approval and Owning Your Truth.” Somehow, I was still writing at 6pm the night before delivery, which meant I had spent zero time practicing in front of the mirror.
I just read somewhere that the thing about deadlines is that your work will puddle out to fill the precise Tupperware of time you give it. They say the trick is to get really good at setting hard deadlines in your calendar, even if they’re arbitrary. So you can trick your mind into believing that’s the cutoff. When I was in the practice of publishing a blog post every morning I found this to be true. I had exactly one hour to complete a post. Because that was my reality, every morning, I found a way to make it happen.
For my next speech, I will work smarter with my < horizon lines >.
At 6:15 I typed into Chat CPT, "Chat, give me a strategy for memorizing a 25 minute keynote in 2 hours.”
Chat replied, “This will be challenging but not impossible.”
“Fanstasic.” Sang a familiar voice. “You’re doomed.”
“No.” My Essential Self countered. “Failure is an old story. You filed it away already, remember? It lives inside the bento box labeled Child Protective Services.”
“Just because Chat can’t figure out how you’re gonna do it, doesn’t mean you can’t. Also, read: Not Impossible.
The mind is a shifty fucker. If I told you take one minute to look for all the pink objects in the room then write them down, would that mean there weren’t any green things in the room? If you’re reading this at the hot pink art installation going on in the power and lights district this weekend, don’t answer that.
The point is, that we are programmed with what’s called “Cognitive Bias.” Which means we constantly scanning for proof of what we believe to be true.
If you’re looking for evidence that confirms you are having a bad day, I guarantee you will find it at every turn. But if you’re looking for all the verdant displays of human connection and vitality on your drive to work, you’ll notice every green blade of grass and turned-up mouth corner.
^ This ^ is why one of the most generative practices you can do every morning is write down ten SPECIFIC things you’re grateful for. This attunes your cognition to process beauty only.
And besides, is there any other way you’d want to spend your one wild precious life?
Back to the story …
I set up a last-minute call with my speaking coach. And reach out to a few seasoned speaker friends for advice. The feedback is unanimous “You only have to memorize the outline. Make up an acronym to help you remember the main points.”
In record time, Vika, my mentor, helps me come up with mine:
C.U.P.
C
Celebrate the women in your life who have made an impact and might not know it. A rising tide lifts all ships
U
Unsubscribe from newsletters, friends groups, environments, belief systems, and social media feeds that do not support your highest vision.
P
Permission slips for taking the power back. Stop waiting. Start writing.
We’re back in business.
I close my laptop. Resolving to wake up at 3am and run through the talk in its totality 3 times in full dress.
That night before bed, I recorded myself giving the talk on audio while I was running a bath. I know my system needs a reset. I’ve been staring at a screen for 4 days straight. I light candles and hot bud palo santo sticks. Add rose petals. I can’t forget to honor the vessel. It’s time to zoom out. Remember why I’m doing this.
Because my mother, my grandmother, and my great grandmother didn’t have the same freedom I did, Because I want my daughters to know they can do hard things in the name of Truth. Becuase I was put here to deliver a message. And I’ll be damned if I don’t.
But the other advice that helped me not freak out was that “The energy you bring into that room is far more important than what you say or how you say it.” This was like the permission slip I needed. Even if everything went tits up and I forgot where I was or what I was saying (this ended up happening 3 times - stay tuned for Part II) or how I got there, or what day it was, all of that paled in comparison to the passion, authenticity, and enthusiasm I brought in there.
More tomorrow, my hour is up! I’ll leave you with a glimpse of the pre-game show.
6am Pep Talk:)
Dearest Rosie - I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! I knew you’d rock it and I’ve been waiting to read and/or discuss the recap. Plus - I love your writing and energy. And that yellow outfit…butterfly wings for sure!