Sobriety And Relationships
The #1 Reason Why People Don't Want To Quit
Every thread of my existence used to be stitched around a bottle. Wine, beer, pill.
I was very comfortable with this arrangement. I knew the lay of the land like the back of my hand. Who the “safe” people were to hang out with The ones who would match my dangerous behavior with their own. Together, we would validate, commiserate, and keep each other afloat across the polluted waters of self-destruction.
Any time a new person entered our circle, in my mind, they were marked: THREAT until proven otherwise. They were often not invited back because of their disinterest in our well-established drinking games.
For many years, the thought of disowning my people, becoming one of the disturbances in the fabric of our social structure, felt like a betrayal I couldn’t bring myself to face.
It’s not our fault we’ve been conditioned to think this way. To act accordingly. We are the product of a world that demands productivity, amenability, and silence. Interrupting the cycle of drink, rinse, repeat takes a level of grit you’ve got to be willing to dig for. But it is a treasure hunt worth every nick and bloodied elbow.
When I quit drinking six years ago, the worst thing possible happened. I was uninvited to all the old hangouts. Left out of football game get-togethers on Saturday nights. Playdates petered out. Friends avoided me. Loneliness ensued. It felt like I was being punished for wanting better for myself, my life, my kids. I’m not going to lie. It sucked. And it makes me sad that this is the universal initiation rite one must suffer to join the sober revolution—a slick test to gauge your commitment to the cause.
FACT: YOU WILL LOSE PEOPLE WHEN YOU LEVEL UP
These are natural casualties. Not everyone will be willing to watch you grate the lip of their comfort zone. You can still love them. From a distance at first. Until you have your bearings. Some will see you rise and want to come with you. These big decisions are like ripples in the ocean. Your bravery rocks the lifeboat beside you. This boat changes course and inspires the lifeboat behind it. And so on and so forth. Until you become why so many walked out of the darkness and into the light. You get to be the reason.
Is there anything better?
If you’re in a place where you’re ready to take the next step but scared you won’t have the support you need, I’m starting a SoberCreative Community in August, to help alleviate your anxiety. This is an all women’s workshop that meets once a week on Wednesdays at 12pm CST via Zoom.
What you' get when you join:
Access to Wednesday Zoom Meetings, where we join together as a community to write on prompts, support one another and tap into our creativity!
Access to official SoberCreatives Facebook Page!
A new creative exercise or writing prompt to work on each week!
Connections with other sober women to encourage and inspire you along your journey!
Here’s one of my latest Instagram Reels for you to check out! You don’t have to be an alcoholic to decide to quit drinking:)