Yesterday was hard. Not kind of hard. Really fucking hard. Which sometimes life just is. And I think we don’t talk about it enough. Or try to fix eachother into puzzle pieces that are more easy to take, or understand. Can we just normalize how hard it is some days to just exist and not give up? Thank you. Moving on.Â
It was Halloween. But not just that. We had a meeting scheduled with my lawyer about splitting assets, child support, maintenance etc. And it was the one year anniversary exactly of moving into our new house in Kansas City. Exactly one year. And I think it was the anniversary idea that broke my heart more than anything. But also not living with this person I care about anymore. Someone I’ve spent the last 15 years cohabitating with. The father of my children. This beautiful person. Deleting myself from their world. Not entirely but a lot. Or maybe I cried because so much happened in a year that I hadn’t caught my breath yet. And it was our first Halloween without Brewster. And I was scared that our last Halloween living in a house as the original Pryor Clan would somehow be ruined by me. My inability to harness unruly emotions into the appropriate stall. All I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and fill it with my sea water. But I couldn’t. So I didn’t.Â
And you know what? It ended up being the best Halloween to date. For all 4 of us.Â
I’ll write more on it later. Or maybe I won’t. I taught my first art class at the high school up the hill today. And I go in at 12:30 to sub at the elementary where my girls go. I don’t have as much time as I did. But it’s not like life waits around for you to have the right amount of time to get things done. I got my apartment, and move in on January 12. Something I never in a million years thought I’d be able to say. But it feels damn good. It’s the right season to turn a new leaf. Uncoupling from the mother tree hurts, but have you ever seen how graceful they land? Atop the carpet of eachother?