Coparenting, Cohabitating, Dating and Divorcing Part 1

The first essay of a 5 part series. Stay tuned for the next installment later this week.

People try to tell us what we are doing is incorrect. The way we are doing it is wrong. And yet, whatever we are doing now, is working far better for us and our family than trying to make ourselves fit into a tiny box. Simply to make other people comfortable. 

I’m telling you where we are now because I need you to know that anything is possible. Because if we can do it this way, then you can certainly do it your way. And that not wanting to be married does not make you a bad person. It simply makes you a normal person. People change. They’re meant to. It’s the only constant. You’re right on track. I just need you to know that. Just in case you feel like a crazy person. Because trust me, the world will try to make you feel like the craziest person.

The truth: you’re not.

As it stands, Dan and I and the kids all live in the same house. My room and workspace have moved to the basement. I have been fortunate enough in this life to be partnered with a man so incredibly kind, open-hearted, and open-minded. I realize this makes the rest of the steps much easier. Not everyone is so lucky. But putting the children first is our number one concern and has been from the start. And having this centralized axis around which both of our worlds revolve somewhat streamlines all other decision-making and movements.

Dan and I have been roommates for many years. The initial transition from being married to co-parenting was not a difficult one. Having said that, we are only just starting out on this journey, and I realize there will be many a mountain ahead to traverse. I’m writing this in real-time so you can be a part of the process. I’ve been practicing failing in public for many years now. Which is why opening up to you now does not scare me lol.

I will say that dating other people while cohabitating is tricky. But we have a mutual respect for one another. And if I ask for a night out or he does, it's easy to say yes. We are both genuinely happy for the other to find someone that makes them happy. Whether that's now or many years down the road. The thing that brought us together in the first place was a shared sense of adventure—exploring the unknown. The dating landscape of Kansas City is no different. And sometimes hilarious. And sometimes a complete flop. But an adventure nonetheless. And if nothing else, a damn good series of stories ;)

I’m not saying we’re doing it perfect. Mistakes will be made, and tears will be shed. Many dollar-store-sized pools have already been filled with the cool waters of grief and loss. I’m just trying to illustrate that there are many different ways to live your life and live it well. And if your heart is tugging you in another direction and has been for some time, you’re not bad. You’re par for the course, babe. But drinking or shopping or binge-watching or being perfect is not gonna stamp out that match. And just because you can’t see the whole staircase from where you’re standing doesn't mean you shouldn’t take the first step. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have the first conversation. Doesn’t mean you shouldn't trust the crackle of your heart.